New friend: want 2 go tanning w/me tmrw? Me: ok. sounds fun. idk where 2 get cowhides. do u?

I hear the Black Knight isn’t as bad as he seems… He’s medieval

I lie in the bath for hours. But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time.

When I hear the word “aftermath” – it always makes me hungry. At school, lunch period followed Math class, so we ate “aftermath”

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? I can’t jelly my dick in your ass

You’re so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.

Tragedy strikes us today as a local “Caution Tape” factory explodes, leaving officials unsure how to properly barricade the area

Have you heard the one about the jump rope never mind, just skip it.

Is it just me…… or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing ?

I once thought about becoming a proctologist… but I can’t imagine spending my entire workday dealing with assholes.