I went to Russia, met a guy called Vladislav * **Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.**

The worst is when you’re on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going

The only thing keeping me from driving off this bridge is the insurance rate increase if I survive.

How can you tell a rich Swiss from a poor Swiss? The poor swiss washes his Mercedes by himself

Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?

What’s big, huge and hairy? A Goliath bird eating tarantula.

What did the little girl’s parents want for Christmas? A better son.

My ‘home to pants off’ speed ratio is unparalleled.

Why is Dublin the capital of Ireland? Cause it keeps on Dublin and Dublin.

Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist? He never learned to mix the colors