What’s a snake’s favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

What do you call a fuzzy philosopher? BEARistotle I’m so sorry

Ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming.

Why couldn’t the man open a fish and herb shop? Because he didn’t have the thyme or the plaice.

What’s Ja Rule’s favorite type of bread? Challah!

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Don’t ever go camping. That shit’s intense.

What do you call a Phillipino contortions? A manilla folder

If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day

Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I’m ready now.