The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Manti’s girlfriend walk into a bar… Rimshot!

Just trimming my nose hair and drinking a soy latte. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Healthy human blood must be a low-carb meal… Because it’s the most-keto diet.

WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?

What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo!

I bought a book about addiction I’ve read it 50 times and it still hasn’t helped.

” How was your blind date ? ” ” Terrible ! He showed up in a 1935 Rolls Royce. ” ” What’s so terrible about that ? ” ” He was the original owner ! “

Why did the Louvre tour guide work for pennies? Because this docent makes any cents.

What do you call two Mexican men playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world; those who can count, and those who can’t.