If an apple a day keeps the doctor away how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?

My wife caught me again on the couch with my iPad & a hand towel while I was putting lotion on my feet with my pants off.

I think it works! GUYS! I just invented time travel!

Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first? So the sharks aren’t hungry anymore.

A doctor goes to his patient and says “I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer’s” Patient replies “Well, at least I don’t have cancer!”

BAD MATH JOKE TIME. For pi day, my friend was selling pies as a fundraiser, so because I love pie, I decided to buy two. I went from 0 to 2. I went absolutely nowhere.

Mattel has a campaign urging girls to pursue their limitless potential. It’s called You Can Be Anything Except A Woman With Barbie’s Body.

A wife is like a hand grenade you take away the ring, and there goes your house

Where do black parents get gifts for their children? At Toys We Is

If it looks like I’m typing for five minutes I’m really just trying to spell diarrhea.