looks like our killer left his calling card. 5 cents/min to canada, 7c/min to puerto rico. he knows what he’s doing.

Q: Can February March? No. But April May!

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

I don’t have a problem with man buns You used to have to talk to someone for 3 or 4 minutes to figure out if he’s a fuckhead

How do you spell moron? M O R M O N

What do you call a dog wearing a watch? You would call it a dog. A dog wearing a watch is not a watchdog.

This month is so 08/15

Thinking about free healthcare and how much it’s going to cost me?

My doctor says I’m not eating a balanced diet…that’s absurd. I eat as many cookies with my left hand as I do with my right!

You can’t trust anyone you meet online I went on a date with a guy I met online last week and stole $250 from him