How do you make a patty melt? Give Marcie a strap-on.

There are only 10 types of people in the world… Those who understand ternary, those who don’t, and those who mistake it for binary.

So this Kristen Stewart cheating stuff… Still a better love story than Twilight.

How to equally divide a cake among five people with only three cuts Slice three people with your knife and ask the last, “Do you also want a piece?”

My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Italian food. I wouldn’t put it pasta.

Why couldn’t the dolphin turn around in a hallway Because he was driving a tractor

Facebook should add a hug and kiss button that way people can have a little foreplay before getting poked.

What’s a cokeheads favorite TV show? Whose Line is it Anyway

What is a terrorist his favourite car? A Citroen C4

Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking.