My 82 year old grandmother is still healthy and active. She doesn’t even need glasses. She drinks her whiskey straight from the bottle.

what do you call the act of masturbation before you sleep? the stroke of midnight.

What’s better than winning the Paralympic gold medal? Not being in the Paralympics

What do you call an Eskimo who’s a peeping tom? Itookalook

You know pterodactyls’ don’t make noise right? Even the P is silent.

What do you get when you cross a brown cow with a brown chicken? “–brown-chicken-brown-cow–” (said like: ‘bowm-chicka-bowm-wawm’)

Q. What are 2 girl chickens that fall in love? A. Lesbi-hens

I like my women like I like my coffee Roasted, ground up, and dissolved in hot water

Why does the nurse always carry a red pen while at work? To draw blood.

A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.