Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.

When a cop pulls you over and asks, “Papers?” answer “Scissors.” then drive away..

I went to the library the other day.. but I couldn’t get in, it was fully booked.

I’ve decided I want to start a career in Mirror Cleaning It’s just something I can see myself doing.

Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball

I bet if I could see into the future, I would use that power to watch a lot more TV.

[dinner party] *host clinks glass* “Everyone we’re having a baby”! *whispers to other guest* “Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian.”

i did it God! i finaly got 2 of evry animal NOAH.THEY HAVE TO BE ALIVE *noah looks at boat full of dead animals* do u kno how long this took

Men are creepy, super creepy, but also a lady just stood on the same escalator step as me and lit a lighter and just held it the whole ride.

Whenever there is injustice in the world, Americans will rise up and retweet a hashtag.