Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name.

#rubbishjokes Noah’s diary – 39th day: “The dragon pie was really scrumptious.”

I’ve been nominated for person most likely to not be nominated for anything.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a “beef?”

Trying to motivate myself to go for a run, but it’s windy outside. And outside.

How do you catch a rabbit? Sit in a field and make carrot noises.

Q: What mythological monster casts no reflection? A: All of them.

Your smile must be a black hole, nothing can escape its pull.

Why are black people so good at basketball? The core elements of the game are things they have been doing forever. Shoot, steal and run.

If there was a game show where people have to find a phone charger before their phone dies I would win the million dollars