WHAT is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WAH TAHH!!!!

I was suppose to write a sodium joke… But Na

Why did the crayon want to be a phone? Because it wanted to be a texta.

The lobotomist ran off with my wife… And I think he took off with my better half.

Do you think people who chanted “Drill baby, drill!” for Palin had even a flicker of self awareness while watching Avatar?

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe

She asked me for an example of a double entendre So I gave it to her.

[grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never

What’s the difference between pizza and a jew? Pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

A lot of people have a fear of flying. Not me. I have a fear of crashing and dying. #pussies #imbrave