What do gamers make for New Years? A New Years RESOLUTION

– do u like green eggs & ham? – i do not like them, sam i am – but why? – animal agriculture leads to global warming sam read a goddamn book

Donald Trump used to enjoy having first wife Ivana…. sit on his knees so he could raise and lower her. Guess not the first time he bounced a Czech.

What do you call memories of old Playstation? Sony-stalgia

I think what irritates me most about Katy Perry is that I thought she was a Zooey Deschanel SNL character until about 2 months ago.

Mad Cow Disease Q: Why do cows get the mad cow disease? A: Anyone would go mad if someone squeezes your tits four times a day, but only let you have sex once an year!

What’s a similarity between Old Navy and Jerry Sandusky… Both of their pants are half off

Why did users stop coming to r/jokes? Because their jokes weren’t very funny.

“My friend got me a Fitbit” ME: Oh yeh, heard of them, haven’t got one tho “u can buy them online” ME [whispering] u can buy friends online?

Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? They’re really good at it.