Nice job person who came up with bread.

What did the ISIS fighter say when he went to bomb the Hawaiian cafe? ALOHA SNACKBAR

Cross a mobster in the streets. Horse’s head in the sheets.

What’s a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer? Comet.

What’s the difference between a daydreamer and a pervert? A daydreamer stares out of windows.

Found out today that you’re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger.

How does a black chick tell if she’s pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

How does a cow quickly do math? With a cow-culator! (Rimshot)

*intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they’re for multiple people*

What do you call a short sleeved British shirt? A tea-shirt. Please don’t hurt me.