Whenever you say “I’ll shoot you an email,” it makes me wish I could shoot you in email.

Bill Gates walks into a Apple Store…. and as he is looking at the ipad he farts. He takes a whiff and says to an employee, you need to buy some windows.

Pick Up Chinese Girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629

Knock knock Who’s there? Ana Ana who? Ana gonna tell you

Why was the necrophiliac fired from the crematory? He was caught spreading remains before they were cremated.

Did you hear about the penis-less man that got excited? He just came out of nowhere

You know you’re a bad driver when Siri tells you “after 400 feet stop and let me out”

What did the little girl with no arms, no legs, blind, deaf and mute get for Christmas? NSFW Cancer

I sent a text to my friend’s mobile: “Lost my contacts. Send me your number”. He replied with his name and number.

I’m working in a bar and a woman walks in and asks for a double entendre. So I gave her one