How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten tickles

What did the wind turbine say to Al Gore? I’m a big fan.

You know a girl is serious when they say your name in a text.

Charlie Sheen #thinning

“Damnit!” -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.

What does a runner lose after winning a race? His breath.

What’s brown and runny Usain Bolt

One I heard at a restaurant “Am I the first girl you ever kissed?” She whispered softly to her date. “It’s possible” he admitted, “Were you at Lake Geneva in 2004?”

What do your mom and Poland have in common? a lot of countries have been inside her.

NOTHING says “I am batshit, incapable of relationships, bad with money & cannot be trusted” like colored contact lenses.