My girlfriend told me stop singing wonderwall. I said maaaaybe….

Who translated “The Flat-Chested Woman” from the original Russian? Vasily Bithertitoff

My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She’s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself ‘hasta la visa’.

I like my wine like I like my women 9 years old and locked in the cellar

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.

My friend told me he was afraid of Al Queda… Guess that makes him an iraqnaphobe

What do you call a porno set in space. Apollo 13 inches

What do you call white on the top and black at the bottom? Society.

Football would actually be entertaining of each team was allowed one bear.