Why did Michael Jackson call Boys 2 Men? He thought they were a delivery service

I only shave on days when I’ll be having sex. I live life as a yeti now.

What do you call an Irish guy who can’t keep off the weight? McFatagain! I’m sorry.

*Takes ex girlfriend’s poem on Antiques Road Show* Sir these are worthless *Winks at camera* Told you Karen!

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. I’m sorry, everyone.

are you the girl who has to type everything said in court? “yes” I’m sorry *looks back at prosecutor and answers his question as a dolphin*

Did you hear about that nightclub for birds? Was Rave’n

[DAD JOKE] My friend and I like bone jokes… …But this time, we want you to humerus.

How do you keep a blonde waiting? I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Thinking of getting a government grant to study … Why flies can get in your car so easy, but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.