I told my wife I am sending her a dick pic… She said ” I don’t want your junk mail!”

I was playing Katawashoujo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katawa_Shoujo There is an option to ‘Disable sex Scenes’ So… do I gain more sex scenes? They’re already disabled.

What did a Jewish guy do first thing in the morning? Hebrew coffee Go easy on me with this pun.

A policeman came into my house and told me to put my hands up.I told him that he wasn’t a DJ and we laughed and laughed and now I’m in jail.

Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.

I had to use my glasses when playing tennis. Because its a no contact sport.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

What’s the most confusing day in Harlem? Fathers Day!

I don’t understand how many blueberries you’re supposed to eat in one sitting. 10? 2,000? There’s no natural stopping point.

What did one end of the rope say to the other? We were bound to get together…