Teacher: How Old is your father? Pappu: As old as I am. Master: How is it possible? Pappu: He became father only after I was born.

Why don’t atheists use exponents? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

My friends always told me I couldn’t say my S’s right. I never noticed it until I heard a recording of myself talk. Suddenly, it all made shensh after that.

I fucking hate cheap 1 ply toilet paper…. It’s just so shitty

You can’t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.

I tried to join the local hide and seek club today But I couldn’t find them

Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children “Torn condoms”?

What does trail mix have in common with a nursing home? They’re both filled with nuts

Did you hear about that guy named Reginald who often visited his local supermarket? Indeed, he was a **reg**ular customer.

The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.