Went to the moon for dinner last night Good food No atmosphere

Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.

How did Warren Buffets company survive the economic meltdown? It’s a trade secret, but don’t worry, Berkshire Hathaway

Hey girl are you a capri sun? Because i want to stab you.

Sausage and bacon in a frying pan. Sausage says to the bacon: “It’s pretty hot here.” Bacon says: “Oh my god! A talking sausage !!”

Why did the console gamer cross the street? To render the other side.

What’s long and hard On a black person? First grade

A bloke walks into a bar with his gorilla and the barman asks “What drink can I get you?” “Just ice for Harambe”

Three words to hurt a mans ego? “Is it in?”

Yesterday it was so hot that my gun started overheating. It was sweating bullets.