What do you call a constipated German? far-from-poopin

1 out of 4 suffer from a mental illness Does this mean that the other 3 *enjoy* it?

I’m just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.

Where do you go to get fresh complaints? The whinery.

How do you make holy water? Fill a pot with water and boil the hell out of it.

I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty…

Sit down, give your mind a rest – it obviously needs it.

Has anybody ever seen the Grapefruit technique video? I heard it was directed by Phil Atio.

Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.

doc: “your dad’s been in a coma for 9 days, we’re running out of ideas” me: “let me try” [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]