What you called a fat Chinese man? Chunk

– Dad, can I borrow 10 pounds? – 15 pounds? Why do you need 20 pounds?

Girls who marry for money & guys who marry for beauty are equally robbed in the end.

What happened when Dumbo went to a mindrreader? They gave him his money back.

I saw a black guy running down the street And he was carrying a TV. For a second I thought, *”hey, that looks like mine!”* but then I realized mine wears Adidas.

*angrily detangles self from wind chime*

Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil and paper.

Why is your mom like a vacuum? She sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet. Not to mention she also gets turned on by your dad

How do you know a shirt has phoned you? Collar ID

What’s better than swinging a dead baby around a tether pole? … … stopping it with a shovel