What does a mathematician do about constipation? Sits down and works it out with a pencil.

I believe it was Alexander Graham Bell that once said… How did you get this number?

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing at all… you already told her twice

What’s a boxer’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline

Mother Banana: Why didn’t you go to school today? Little Banana: Because I didn’t peel well.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday? I know what you’re going to get, I felt your presents

Apple So Apple was making a new touchscreen for kids , it didn’t go well because of the name , iTouch Kids

Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee’s you’re buying it off of sure can.

My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together….. I shit you knot.”