*addresses the elephant in the room* *puts a stamp on the elephant in the room* “My pen pal is gonna love this.”

What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease? Ma’lady

Three blondes walk into a building…. You’d think that one of them might have saw [seen] it.

What food describes most men? Jerky.

What did the shirt say to the pants? What’s up, britches.

A blind man walks into a bar and a chair, then a table…

What’s three feet long and keeps a twat warm? Donald Trump’s scarf.

The Middle Ages Queen: Babe come to bed its late. King: Not until I can come up with a cool name for my soldiers! Queen: k night. King: holy shit you’re a genius!

Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany… but they still called him Herr Jordan.

My relationship with my Ex was purely psychological… She was a psycho and I was totally logical.