Guys we should stop saying these Mexican jokes… (To be said after few Mexican jokes) We’re crossing the border

I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder

I met this amazing girl last night but got off on the wrong foot. She wanted it on her left foot. I can’t help that I have horrible aim.

*walks out into irradiated air using an antique porcelain teacup as a gas mask* *dies instantly, but with a touch of class*

One thing I’ve learned about pizza jokes… It’s all in the delivery.

Remember the Scooby Doo episode where they put Scooby down and gave Shaggy the death penalty for ripping the face off an innocent person?

Say what you want about Russian Athletes But their training regimen is pretty dope

I’ve started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and “accidentally” dropping my recipe for bacon tacos.

I’ve been making a list of reasons to move to Switzerland… the flag is big plus.

My mom says I procrastinate… But I’ll deal with that later