Bae: come over. Me: I’m doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I’m doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it.

What do you call Triple H practicing for a WWE match? Preparation H

A begger walks up to me… And asks, “do you have a few extra dollars I can have?” I said, “I have a few dollars, but they aren’t extra.”

Names that when read out loud sound dirty Hue Janis Hue Jazz Dixie Normous Jack Mehoff Mike Hawk Phil Mahooters Philip Mabung

I don’t like my financial adviser. He put the “douche” in Fiduciary

what are some of your favorite play-on-name jokes? i don’t really have any favorites, just looking to hear some… like what do you call a guy with a shovel? doug.

Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell! She’s got a grenade in her mouth!

How do you escape a fascist authoritarian regime? By getting aboard (a) voat

What’s the difference between a civilian camp and an ISIS base? I don’t know I just fly the drones