What’s the difference between a gay and a microwave…. You can’t brown a sausage in a microwave

What was Carl Sagan’s favorite drink? Cosmos.

Why did the witch go commando? She needed some better grip on her broomstick.

Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one but he’ll tell everybody.

Why did the prostitute get a vagina implanted in her hip? She wanted to make some money on the side.

Google… qrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted! ~~I’m sorry~~

What is the most effective way of cleaning a cum stain? Baby wipes

I always feel like I’m wasting a text message whenever I respond with just “K.” Now I write “Potassium” instead.

There are two types of people in this world: Those that CAN gather information from incomplete data