Deleting cookies from my browser history is fine but I’d rather delete cookies from my eating history.

Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia… He died last year.

So I went to the doctor for my annual prostate exam today…. I asked the doctor “Where I should put my pants?” He replied “Over there next to mine.”

I was feeling depressed, so I drank some brandy and went to the gym That really lifted my spirits

My dad, contemplating Brexit and the board game Risk, “Well, Europe has always been hard to hold.”

Who is a bodybuilder’s favourite painter? [Gainsborough](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Gainsborough) ^Pronounced ^”Gainz, ^brah”

Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn’t come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn’t a gift

So, Apparently ‘Human Centipede’ Is Getting ANOTHER Sequel. ‘Human Turducken’

Thanks, student loans, for getting me through school I don’t think I could ever repay you

Two fish were in a tank. One says, you man the main cannon, I’ll drive.