How do mountainers send messages? By ski-mail.

What will Gene Wilder’s last will and testament will say? YOU GET NOTHING! Yeah I’m going to hell.

I accidentally typed “abeer” instead of “a beer” and iPhone transformed it to “cobbler”–Anyway, drunk on cobbler.

Why did all the sea monsters refer to the kraken as a whore when he died? Because he died choking on a bunch of seamen.

Drugs and alcohol aren’t the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?

I just changed my Facebook password to ’14 days’ but it said it was Too weak

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it! (Not sure of the spelling, heard it from someone).

What does a near sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? Wet noses

I was watching the men’s hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads

I really showed that Rubik’s Cube who’s unemployed.