Drink to remember. Drink to forget. Tweet while drinking, Wake up with regret.

Air and sex Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Why did the alcoholic chop off the little boy’s legs? He wanted his *Kidneys*.

Sex on the beach means sand everywhere. You just do not want extreme exfoliation in some areas.

Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and want to hug them. I know life is tough for the visually impaired.

Can a ninja kill you from 20ft away? Sure he can.

Woman stands on top of the bridge Ready to jump. An unwashed, disgusting hobo approaches her, saying “Hey, chick, wanna fuck?” She lookis at him with digust “No.” “OK, I will just wait below.”

Officer: Sir, we have reports you’ve trained this bird to injure passersby. Me: Ridiculous! O: The pet’s name? M: Paul the Attack Canary.

I don’t know why we have three different pig emojis but it’s great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching:

What kind of money does Mario use? 8-bitcoins