My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.

I told my mom that the CIA was going to keep Osama Bin Laden’s porn collection away from the public. She said, “Who cares? It’s probably just full of camels, anyway.”

Q: What’s brown, red, black and blue? A: A Brunette who’s been tellin one too many blonde jokes.

“I like the way you move!” -Jealous inanimate object

What’s worse than giving Willie Nelson a blow job? Finding out it’s not Willie Nelson

What’s better than roses on your piano Tulips on your organ

What would be the most useless superpower? How about the ability to go invisible, but it only works while you’re playing a trumpet.

Two law students walk into a bar. They both failed.

Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ? Robert E Flea !

What’s not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument? The door.