Don’t necessarily nominate me for sainthood, but I just gave a VERY ugly woman directions.

Did you hear about the guy that used ivory butt plugs? He suffered from elephant-tight-ass.

What do you call an Egyptian butt? A sphinxter

Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery… odds are about the same.

Did you see Matt Damon’s character in Invictus? That’s apartheid like to play.

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch the fire to learn it’s hot.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

Did you know the Packers were Trump supporters? Ha Ha Clinton-Dix

Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits.

How bout I hold a toaster over you while you’re in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn’t make me drop it.