Hey reddit, ever hear the one about no and me neither? Me neither.

I’m convinced that people are now just getting married and having babies to have something to post on FB

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him? Get off me homes.

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him? Get off me homes!

What’s an Asian’s favorite time to go to the dentist? tooth-hurty

Hooking a clock on your belt It would just be a waist of time.

I worked a 10-hour day today… Sounds impressive to non-programmers who don’t know binary.

How many ‘friend-zoned’ guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.

Did you know Brian Welch, the former drummer of Korn opened up an Orphanage in India? …and you should have seen the look on those little orphans’ faces when they heard korn was coming!

Cop: Know why I stopped u? “Cuz im going too fast?” Cop: Yes, slow down. “But it’s been 6 months-” Cop: U can’t move in with her yet.