What is the only olympic sport that mexicans can compete in? Bordercross

I could tell you a joke about Bill Murray in Japan; it would be lost in translation.

That old man reminds me of your puppy… They’re both probably going to die within 20 years.

I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.

During a routine physical the Doctor said, “You’ve got to stop masturbating.” “Why?” asked the patient. “Because I’m trying to give you a physical!”

I don’t trust left handed people. there is something not right about them.

3: *throws plate in sink Me: but you barely ate! 3: yeah, I’m full…what are you eating? Me: the same thing you had 3: can I have a bite?

People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V “Tuesday”

Twitter should allow you to select the font your tweets appear in; thus giving me yet another thing to judge you by.

With Trump and Hillary being the candidates, I think we know who will win… Dave.