A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say “I think we lost them.”

It’s just not sanitary to let people get under your skin.

There was life on mars. Was. It was a cat. Then Curiosity killed it.

What do you call a?… What do you call potato who’s high? A. A baked potato What do call a wizard who doesn’t have enough minions? A. Short staffed Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.

There are 10 types of people in this world… Those who understand binary, those who don’t, and those who weren’t expecting a ternary joke.

Me: goodnight moon Moon: It’s 6pm Me: I know but I’m tired Moon: I literally just got here

A young lady walks into a bar… She was protected by a rubber Bump*her*

“Jesus take the wheel!” I shout, but Jesus decided to pop out of the sunroof firing a machine gun at our pursuers instead.

How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? He worked it out with a pencil

How many times does 1 go into 0? As Many Times As It Wants!