If you play a NIickelback song backwards you’ll hear messages from the illuminant.Even worse, if you play it forward you’ll hear NIickelback

Boxer briefs Digging my Dick out of boxer briefs, is like clawing gum out of shag carpet.

I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM BECAUSE MY WIFE IS DRIVING WITHOUT HER GLASSES ON AGAIN!!

I just gave my cat a bath. Your move Satan.

My girlfriend feels she needs 72 half-empty bottles of stuff in her shower & if I even look at them, they all throw themselves on the floor

When asking a girl out it’s important to show you respect her. Try writing your number on a Tubman Twenty so she knows your a feminist.

Why doesn’t snake have balls? Because he would look like a dick.

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today..

Part of our choir got kidnapped last week! Two guys just got arrested for grand theft alto.

What do you call Dubstep on a Mac? iDropIt