I can produce silver just by sniffing. Smelt it with my own nose. **I’ll show myself out**

I can’t come into work today *cough* I’m really sick. “Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?” *hangs up*

“No, I’m fine.” – an angry girlfriend being attacked by lions

How can you find Will Smith in the snow? Because he’s black

What’s the definition of Eternity? The time between when I come, and you go.

A dyslexic person walks into a bar I on the other hand am not dyslexic and am not one to frequent drinking holes. Also I suck at jokes.

A school is like a barcode, It’s a P.O.S.

I bet feminists hate pedestrian crossings… What with that red/green man telling them when they can and can’t walk.

what do you call someone who critiques bad jokes? A cheese-grader!!

Teacher told me to give her eye contact when I speak with her. So i jabbed my finger in her eye to touch it.