I’ve just been in the garden with my stepladder Not my real ladder, I don’t get on with him

A man was caught having sex with the Venus de Milo… …he was charged with statutory rape

My girlfriend said she will leave me unless I stop pretending to be a hotel… I said, ‘but you can never leave!’ ‘You can check out anytime you like’.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk

I need a good pun about Calvinism

17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq

This jokes called, “Chumbawama” and it starts out really nice, but if you want to know the punch-line….. Hey…buy the rights.

People say I’m too condescending. (That means I talk down to them)

Kinda creepy that Noah could tell the difference between the male and female versions of EVERYTHING

I need to start buying Tupperware to store my leftovers before throwing them out two weeks later.