What about breakfast teaches us the difference between “interested” and “committed”? In a ham and egg sandwich, the chicken had an interest, but the pig is committed.

If you murder a dude and feel guilty just tell his family “sorry” and if they can’t get over it after that then who are the monsters really

The letter R is just the letter P showing off some leg.

What did the wheat say to the man with the scythe? “I yield!”

I will NEVER make the same mistake twice … In a row. They’re in rotation.

TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a… Baby shower.

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human? None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

“Pay attention to me, but not too much. Ignore me, but make me feel wanted. Let me know you want me, but don’t be clingy.”-women

What was Ryu’s response when someone asked if they could have his autograph? “Sure you can!”

A reality show where the contestants arent allowed to say “at the end of the day” “I’m not here to make friends” or “threw me under the bus”