What was the internet speed in Canada in the 1990’s? 56eh.

I just found out that my blood type is B negative. That’s the worst one. My day is ruined.

If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific

I Hate everyone! Angry guy: I HATE EVERYONE Random guy: Sir, how can you hate me? You dont even know me.. Angry guy: Hello my name is George.. Random Guy: Im Max.. George: OK, now fuck you Max

[following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho

Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can’t pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer

Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.

I came home the other day to find my girlfriend dipping twenty dollar billsin batter and frying them. I said, “There you go again, frittering ourmoney away!”

My girlfriend got a sex change. I’m not crazy about it but she’s happy as Larry

Some guys robbed a bank, and to escape, they blew a hole in the wall… the police are looking into it.