How can you tell if someone is a chemistry major? They have a mole on their body.

I slept like a log last night. A badger pissed on me.

How do you know if an Asian broke into your house? Your math homework’s done, your computer is upgraded, and that little shit is still trying to back out of your driveway.

So Harambe walked into a bar Bartender: What will you be having to drink? Harambe: I’ll have a beer Me: No, he’ll have just ice. Bartender: Just ice? Me: Yes, justice for Harambe

Does the Ku Klux Klan hold a 3k run every year as a fund raiser? Shouldn’t they? I mean, they are racists after all. The publicity just writes itself.

How many redditors does it take to post a joke to /r/jokes? Only one. **/r/Jokes** is **widely known** to be a **breeding ground** for new, **original jokes**.

I’m leaving for London tomorrow. It’s going to be really weird Tweeting from the left hand side of the road.

I once met a man from Nantucket… I don’t know the rest, so fuck it.

What’s your number? A Jewish girl and a man meet in a bar. They hit it off and the man asks for the girls number. The girl lifts up her sleeve.

What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30