How do you make a neato burrito? With cool beans.

I hate it when people want to argue over the use and meaning of words. For example, I like to think of myself as a “ladies man.” But the jury preferred the term “rapist.”

Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.

Getting married next week I told my fiance I’ll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

A year on twitter… I remember when all this was fields.

I’m trying to channel my inner Kubrick for my next porno. I’m calling it “A Cockwork Orange”.

Confucius say if someone call you idiot it better you keep quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger then it hit me

Lucy fell in front of the train she screamed out for help “HELP ME! I DONT WANT TO DIE THIS WAY!!”, so Luke came running over and cut her throat instead. Nice work Luke. You should be more like Luke.

What did the US President with Alzheimer’s ask his wife? Who are you?