I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.

Why did the plant get sentenced to death? Cause bush did 9/11

This list is unbelievable! Number 3 is just SHOCKING; Wait till you see what number 2 is and what tops this list is just amazing! Unbelievable List: 1. Amazing 2. 3. Static electricity

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? He was the skipper!

I just thought of a really funny joke… but I forgot it.

Some girl just asked me if she was wearing too much makeup. I told her it depends on whether she’s going to kill batman or not.

What do you call cheese that is by itself? Provolone

A cat’s love is like nothing you’ve ever experienced unless you’ve dated a completely aloof murderer with autism.

What’s the difference between acne and a Child Molester? Acne waits till you are 13 to come all over your face.

How much Norris? (Tongue twister) How much Norris could Chuck Norris chuck, if Chuck Norris could chuck Norris?