Why should everyone vote for Hillary Clinton? Because Bill said she doesn’t suck

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really is a Dog.

When a roofer works pro bono… It’s on the house

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement In the end you ignore it all, wait for the end and click “I agree”

Help your friends diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn.

You can’t be anti-abortion AND pro-death penalty AND a unicorn.

TIL that saying sushi instead of so shitty makes you smile. that is all. no need to click this. If you are reading this you clicked the link, and you are sushi.

My wife is like a piece of Sodium Carbide She’s dangerous when wet

These days, lots of things get either exported or imported Except Mexicans, they get deported.

A man walks into a bar *ouch*