Straight guys on twitter, If you haven’t been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what’s wrong with you.

What’s the worst last words your EX-GF can say to you? “I do.”

A man just went completely berserk at a Dollar Store & destroyed everything inside. Total damage: $48.

Found $10 in a pants pocket. It was awkward though because someone was still wearing it.

Sarah Palin used “refudiate” in a sentence. I think she needs to studiate her vocabulade before she pontifitalks on the televade.

You know what I hate? Indian givers… ..no wait, I take that back.

me: one time i almost got trampled to death in a mosh pit kid: did you die? me: hmm

when i see lovers names carved in a tree… When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think its cute. I just think it’s crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

*sleeps with the fishes but does not use condom*

What is a Dutchman who lost his driving license? Homeless.