Newtown’s First Law (OC) Newtown’s First Law: For every crisis, there is an opportunistic power-grab by the government to trade freedom for ‘security’.

Mum: “OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!” Me: “Madness?! NO… THIS IS SPARTA!!” *Kicks Mum*..

Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Why did the Irish call their currency the “Punt” ? Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okay – you’re ugly as well.’

I really want to see that movie about Tom Cruise But I don’t think it’s ever gonna come out

vegan zombie what does a vegan zombie eat? GRAAAAINS

What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind as he hits your car windshield on the highway? His ass.

Happy Father’s Day or, mass confusion, if you live in Harlem.

If you’re happy and you know it go to hell