What is the president’s favorite vegetable? BARACK-oli. Courtesy of my friend Abraham.

“I love you” can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to “I got this round.”

Hilary Clinton will be the first f president of the united states…. i was gonna say female but someone deleted the emale.

The man who created autocorrect has died Restaurant in peace

What is Donald Trumps least favorite day of the week? Taco Tuesday.

(Music Theory) Why do composers win debates? Because when their opponent makes a point, they always respond with a valid counterpoint.

I like to flush the toilet a few times when I’m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again

Imagine me with poor grammar. Wrong. Worser.

I do my trigonometry outside… cos tan.

Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: “Are you SURE you want to spell your kid’s name that way?”