Why didn’t the criminal train operator die when he got the electric chair? he was a bad conductor.

What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm.

Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through.

When I’m bored I like to call in sick to places I don’t work for. I’m getting written up at Home Depot

Friendly Competition My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

My girlfriend has just bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

It’s 2023, a child asks her father “how did Donald Trump get elected?” “…..that was the year all the adults were busy coloring.”

Curiosity microwaved the cat.

Yes I am that gift that keeps on giving most people the finger.

All these things that aren’t boobs and candy are really starting to piss me off.