How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.

What do you call a blowjob from a homeless person ? A Bummer

Roses are red… Valentine’s Day is Crap! I don’t have a girlfriend so FAP FAP FAP!

Sure, white people can’t say the “N word” but. atleast we can say phrases like, “Thanks for the warning, Officer” and, “Hey, Dad.”

I walked past the pub the other day with my girlfriend, and they wouldn’t stop calling me a paodophile just cause I’m 30 and she’s 20 They completely ruined our 10th anniversary.

What do you call someone who masturbates on a plane? A highjacker

what did the mod say when he used the bathroom? “log out”

Did you hear One Direction is breaking up? They’re heading separate ways.

What do you call re-arranging the layout of your network? LANscaping.

[30 Days of Christmas Jokes] Why was Santa’s little helper sad? Because he had low ELFesteem