What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? It’s ass

What did the first lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month!

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water. God knows what they did up there because they came down with a daughter.

What sound does a baby make when you put it in a microwave? I don’t know….I was too busy masterbating.

What did Chewy say after episode VII? I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo solo

Why did the suicidal man cross the road? Because he wanted to play chicken.

what’s the definition of confusion? Fathers day in Detroit.

You know your getting old when … Rough sex is fighting for the bottom.

Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow? She didn’t want six inches of snow all year long.

1. Rent storage unit 2. Procure 3 bodies at morgue 3. Place bodies in storage unit 4. Stop making payments 5. Wait. Best Storage Wars Ever